I know I have been MIA so far in 2013. Life is moving, but I don’t feel like anything is really happening. That isn’t really true though. I got promoted to full-time at work. I literally just got the most perfect job that ever could have been created for me, yet it just didn’t seem like the exciting event that it should have been. I have begun to realize that it is sometimes not the things that happen, but the things that don’t happen that mean nothing will ever be the same.
When I started this blog I told all of you about my wonderful group of friends, and how we would send each other hundreds of emails a day. These girls that I used not be able to go an hour without knowing what they were doing/ thinking/ feeling now don’t email at all. As we have grown up in the past year, some where along the way we grew apart. Somehow, it isn’t that they grew apart, but I find myself on the outside. I don’t know how to put into words how this makes me feel. I feel inadequate, for a lack of a better word. This group of girls made me feel, for the first time in my whole, life like I had a real place - like I fit. Now I feel more like an outsider than I ever have before. It seems like one part of my life comes together just for another one to fall apart.
Through this, I have gotten closer to some of my other friends though. I have more time to spend with Elle and Lisa, who are two of the first people I ever met in DC. No matter how long it is between the times we hang out, over the years, these girls are always there to pick me up when I am down. Katie and I have also gotten closer over the past few months. I may cringe when she says I am like her big sister (only because I try to pretend we are the same age), but I feel a responsibility to look out for her. I want her to learn from my mistakes.
The one thing I want to write about the most is the one thing I can’t. You see, I made the decision to give someone the link to the blog, and that means I can’t write anything I wouldn’t want them to read. Unfortunately, for you readers, that eliminates a lot of things these days. I will say this, being a friend to someone can sometimes be complicated. Sometimes your olive branches are taken wrong, and sometimes they just don’t really want your friendship. When do you decide to give up on someone? When do the unlimited chances run out? Because the truth is, even the most forgiving people have their limits, their breaking point.
I guess my theme of 2013 so far is, when do you fight and when do you let go? When do you put yourself before needing someone else? At what point does sacrifice become masochistic?
I will do my best to post more. The truth is, everything is better when I write about it. Although I am not telling you everything, I will give you the song that is my track of the moment. Maybe it will give y’all a little insight. Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift
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