Teddy Does London

My dear friend Ted, or as Elle, Lisa, and I like to call him Teddy Boo Boo Boo Boo, has just packed his bags and is headed to the most amazing city on earth. London!  Ok, so I have never been, but it is the place where 85% of my dreams take place.  For those of you who don’t know, I am absolutely, positively obsessed with EVERYTHING British!  Teddy has been making me insanely jealous with all of his amazing pictures from his morning runs.  Well, ok not the running part, we all know I don’t run, just the being in London part.    

Teddy did not do the proper research before hopping the pond, and is asking for suggestions on places to see and things to do.  So, I thought I would make Teddy a list of British things he needs to do, see, taste, and watch in order to immerse himself in the culture.  Of course, go to all the amazing museums, and the typical tourist stuff like riding the London Eye, touring Tower of London, and trying to make a palace guard laugh, but these are the random things that you might not have thought of.     

1. Go to Selfridges!  Selfridges, also known as Selfridge & Co., is a chain of high end department stores in the United Kingdom. It was founded by Harry Gordon Selfridge (a bad ass American). The flagship store on London's Oxford Street is the second largest shop in the UK (after Harrods) and opened 15 March 1909.

      

2. While you're at it, watch Mr. Selfridge!  That way you know why Selfridges is so freaking cool!  I mean Jeremy Piven!!  
3. The Peter Pan statue in Kensington Gardens.  This can be found in the true classic film Hook.  Teddy, this is a must see for every lost boy!    

4. Have Afternoon Tea.  The British Empire was built on the principle that everything stops for afternoon tea.  I even found you a very masculine place to enjoy this time-honored British tradition, the Reform Social & Grille!    
5. Hit some historic Pubs.  Here is a great list with helpful reviews!  Prove to the Brits that you can get boozy with the best of them!  Oh, and don’t forget the fish and chips!    
6. For God sake WATCH DOCTOR WHO!  I have only been telling you this for months, but maybe now you relieve how important it is to have a favorite Doctor! At the very least you will understand Lisa’s and my references.  (PS. Bow Ties are cool!)

7. Go to TONS of shows on the West End!  Think Broadway but with stars like David Tennant, Matt Smith (people you would know if you watched Doctor Who) and amazing original shows!!  It’s not just the great theater that you can catch here, also look for new bands and DJs playing free shows trying to catch their big break.  
8. Be in the Audience for a recording of a BBC show!  It is free and frankly pretty cool!  You can see what is taping soon and apply for your free tickets!  I highly recommend the Graham Norton Show if you can!  I would give you a $100 if you told a story for the Red Chair.  Also, just watch the Graham Norton Show every week!!  You will thank me.      
9. Hear people speak their minds at Speakers’ Corner.  At the north-east tip of Hyde Park near Marble Arch, Speakers' Corner is where anybody and everybody can jump on an old crate and voice their opinion every Sunday.  Teddy, since you won’t be able to argue politics with us at Happy Hour this might be a perfect spot for you to debate!  
10. Go to the races, a polo match or some other function where the pretty girl on your arm is wearing an amazing, yet silly hat.  I vote for polo because that seems more British!  

Of course there are a million other nerdy things I would do, like go to Kings Crossing and take my picture at platform 9 ¾, but I left those off because I am saving them for my visit!  Wouldn’t want Teddy to have to do them twice.  

More than just Teddy being in my dream city, I am jealous of this amazing life adventure he is getting to have.  Moving to a new city, a new country, with so many possibilities in front of you must be exhilarating!  Sometimes I think I started my career too soon, that I didn’t give myself time to explore the world, and now I won’t be able to until I am old and too tired to.  Well, thanks to Teddy I will be going on at least one adventure.  I am making my way to jolly old England this Spring whether Teddy wants me to or not. :)   Cheers!

Tinder Failure

I have come to a conclusion that is undeniably sad - I am bad at online dating.  I, Harper Waverly, am a Tinder failure.  I do not know how people develop real life relationships based off of a profile with all the best pictures of themselves and an unrealistic assessment of how many times they drink/work-out a week.  In person I dazzle, but via dating app, I am a complete flop.  

I don’t know how to be witty without being too flirty, to show interest without coming off as only wanting to hook up.  Part of the dilemma is the pervy mindset of the opposite sex when they message me on said dating apps.  When trying not to give the wrong impression, I fear I come off as boring.  It’s disheartening to try to get to know someone before deciding to meet up, and be met with radio silence. It’s important to figure out where you are from, whether you went to college, and if you’re basically a normal human being and not a serial killer.

Some of it might be that I really don’t know how to be flirty without being sexy (See Bombshell), especially in messages.  Maybe that says something about me as a person, and the types of guys I attract.  I also believe that guys push the envelope with curvy women because many of them expect us to have lower self-esteem, and therefore have lower standards.  I could show you several examples of the same guy asking a thinner girl on a date and a curvy girl to his bed.  Also, it’s unbelievable how stupid some guys will talk to two girls at one time when the girls are in each others’ pictures.              

If one more guy starts off with “DTF?”, I might explode.  I guess it is men just playing the odds, but in all honesty, I don’t know what self-respecting girl actually responds to that.  Maybe it is just me, but if you really want to “make my panties drop” then take me to drinks or dinner and engage me in meaningful conversation.  Ask questions about me, and at least pretend to care about the answers.  In short, be a man, not some douchy boy-man-lazy-pervert whose idea of making an effort is sending an uber.  

I know many of you are probably thinking, come on it’s Tinder what do you expect.  And some of you are probably wanting to remind me of my own Tinder Adventures, but my mindset has changed.   But I am asking how else am I suppose to meet someone?  Match.com?  I tried that, and men are just as shallow there, so I threw away money for 6 months with no dates.  The old fashioned way?  Well, if you can explain to me how this even relates to our society today then sure I would give it a shot.  I know happy couples who met through Tinder. Apparently it worked for them, so why not me?  

As bad as I am at Tinder, I am going to keep trying.  Why you ask?  Well, I don’t really have any other option do I?  I will never meet anyone if I don’t put myself out there.  Getting a match is a bit of a confidence boost, even if 90% of my matches never talk to me.  At the very least I have seen some of the most hilarious/ disturbing pick up lines, of which I have screenshots for future entertainment.  A friend of mine put it best when she said, “It feels like we have two options, Tinder or dying alone.”  So, Tinder it is