I read an article on Buzzfeed today about why gay men love The Golden Girls. There were a lot of fascinating points to why gay men relate to the show, but one that resonated with me in particular is the idea of the “Chosen Family”. These women were not only friends; they became family to one another - a family that each of them constructed for themselves. As a single career woman in my mid-twenties living 17 hours from my biological family, I have also developed a chosen family.
I think several of the most unforgettable television shows are those that create this idea that friends are your family: loyal, caring, irreplaceable, and ever so slightly crazy. Think about Will and Grace, Friends, Sex and The City: these are shows that helped shape the way generations look at friendship. They are the standard to which much of our society judges true friendship, and the blueprints to creating a chosen family of their own.
I am a person who is loyal to a fault. I build a lot of walls around myself, and if I let you in and trust you completely, then you can expect my unadulterated friendship, you are now family. These are the people that pour you another glass of wine and hide your keys when you lose your job. The people who text you during your mutually adored shows, edit your blog posts, and gchat you at work all day. These are the people who would punch your cheating ex in the nose if they ever run into them again, or at least say they would on a regular bases. The people who can make you laugh with a look, and don’t flinch when you burst into tears for no apparent reason. These are the people that know all your physical and emotional scars and love you because of them, instead of inspite of them. This is a chosen family.
I take great care to construct the best possible chosen family. To let the right people in, but when you depend on someone you are always leaving the door open for disappointment. When someone you love hurts you, it never gets easier. When it is a friend, a member of your chosen family, the cut runs deeper. This is the person with whom you are supposed to be in the trenches of life, not the person that hits you with a grenade leaving you bloody and broken. The thing about family, even the chosen kind, is that you love each other enough to get past the things that have wounded you, at least you should be able to. A chosen family member, unlike a biological one, always has a moment when they prove they are family. There is a test of your friendship and sometimes you realize they weren’t family at all. It is the people that will weather the storm with you who deserve the designation, the one who knows you, what will hurt you, and when you don’t mean the terrible things that you said. Those are deserving, the elite, the chosen ones.
When someone says a member of your family is a jackass, and it might be true, but they are your jackass and no one else gets to call them that! In my case, I am everyone’s over dramatic “emotional time bomb,” but my family will stick up for me because I am their ticking time bomb. No one gets to talk shit about your family but you, end of story.
I love my chosen family! The people that have been to the bottom of the bottle and back with me. I would not have survived my 3 ½ years in DC without them, and I know I can not survive moving forward without them by my side either! To Chloe, Lisa, Elle, and Conner: thank you for being my chosen family, for seeing me and loving me at my worst, for accepting my eccentric ways, and knowing that I am always just a phone call away. I love each of you more than you will ever know!
