This
weekend I had a wonderful time celebrating my dear friends, Farah and
Paul, start their life together as a married couple. It was great to be
with old friends. It was just like we had never left each other. We
have so many stories and so much history together. We still make each other laugh and know how we will react to things. I don’t know why I
am surprised. Farah, May, and I were like the 3 Musketeers in college.
They’ll all soon be in Texas, and it was easy to see the life I could
have there. Even May and her boyfriend Nathan are going to end up in
Texas. I know we would have amazing lives: raise our kids together,
have our very own supper club. Its a life with a clear path. The
weekend was confusing. Not just because the comfortable life presented
before me, but, of course, I met a boy.
Farah
decided that she did not want me to be the only bridesmaid without a
date. She commissioned one of the groomsmen to take care of me all
weekend - especially the day of the wedding. Pennington (Penn) is so
handsome. It broke my heart when I realized that he is only 20. His
tall, slender body is topped with a luscious head of dark locks. I
can’t decide if it is his smile or his green eyes that captivate me
more. I feel wrong for even finding him attractive because he is so
young. I try to not let myself look at him for too long. Its hard when
I catch him looking at me though. Then he does sweet things, like pull
my chair out for me and refresh my cocktail. There are boys that
really act this way? That really have manners?
Farah
keeps encouraging me, telling me to forget his age and just focus on
having fun. During the wedding ceremony I catch him looking at me from
across the church. He caught me crying while the vows were being said.
I blushed. When we get to the reception, Penn finds me and tells me he
is at my disposal for the rest of the evening. I tried to tell him that
he doesn’t have to feel like he is stuck with me, but he insists that
it is his pleasure. All night he does whatever I want to do. We eat
when I get hungry; we dance when I feel the urge, and he always makes
sure I have a cocktail in my hand. He even drinks whatever I am
drinking. This boy must like me if he will drink a vodka tonic with a
splash of cranberry (my signature cocktail).
I
can’t remember ever feeling so taken care of and so at ease with any
man. Penn makes me laugh, and when the Grey Goose sets in all, I want
to do is brush my hand across his cheek gently. I want to touch him and
then curl into his arms. I resist. As the reception ends, and the
party moves back to Farah’s parents’ house, I try to stay away. Then I
realize I can’t, or maybe I just don’t want to. Things get hazy;
despite my diligent effort my hard plastic drink stirrer will not
function as a straw. I get frustrated and May can’t stop laughing.
It’s time to go back to my hotel.
I
wonder if Penn can come with me, or if he would even want to. I invite
him, but he doesn’t give me an answer. He chauffeurs a group of us
back to the hotel, some of whom are far drunker than me. Making sure
everyone gets to their rooms, he parks the car, and walks me to my room.
Luckily, I’m the only one in the group on my floor. He comes in. Who
kissed who first is unclear, but the fact is neither were protesting.
After a while, Penn pulls away. He has to go back for another car of
people. I don’t want him to leave, but he swears he will come back. I
wait for a while and conclude he won’t be back. It is 4:00 in the
morning when I hear his knock at the door, right when I was giving up.
I
let him in. He begins to remove the layers of his tux. I tell him I
need to unpin my hair, and he asks if I need help. I say no. As I am
standing in the mirror of the bathroom, Penn comes up behind me and
starts to help pull the pins out of my hair. I didn’t know something
could be so endearing and sexy at the same time. Where did this boy
come from? Why are there not more like him? We spend what is left of
the night together. When the alarm goes off after a few short hours, I
didn’t want him to stop holding me, nor did he want to leave me. He
kisses me before he walks out the door. I know I will see him at
brunch, but I also know that there will be no affection in front of
Farah’s parents.
We
spent the day sitting at Farah’s drinking fancy champagne and watching
TV. I could feel the tension run through me, my deep urge to touch him.
Everyone wanted to come along to take me to the airport, so we caravan. For the duration of the ride, I kept thinking how I wanted
to kiss Penn goodbye. I concluded that it was the bubbly talking. Penn
gave me a big hug, and in my ear, told me he had so much fun being my
date. I told him it was amazing and thank you. I hugged Fara and May
multiple times. I hate goodbyes.
As
the plane landed at Reagan, and the Washington Monument came into
sight, I knew it was back to reality. I love my life and friends here.
I love the city, my apartment, our routine. I see a different future
for all of us. Living in the city until I am ready to start a family
and settle down. Then, who knows? Move some place close to where Chloe
and the rest of the girls decide to settle down? This life is full of
mystery and without a clear path for the future. I wish I could have
both lives. This one in DC and the one I could have in Texas. No
matter where I am, I miss someone. Why is this so hard?
On
top of that, I spent the weekend with a boy, a 20 year-old boy. That
boy made me feel more beautiful, cared for, and alive than any other man
I’ve met. The respect with which he looked at me with is something
I’ve not seen in any other man’s gaze. I don’t know what that is
supposed to mean, but somehow, I feel like it changes everything. I
just got a glimpse of what it is like to be treated like a lady. I
don’t know if I can settle for less now.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Him
Have
you ever had that boy you just can’t shake? No matter how awful he has
been you still talk to him. Its not that you love him, but you just
can’t NOT be attracted to him. I have one of those boys in my life right
now. I had a crush on him for months and then he finally bought me a
drink, walked me home, and kissed me. There were flirty texts, some
more kissing, and then of course the bomb - he has a girlfriend. Our social calendars put us in the same place once a week and it is torture.
I look at him and I can’t help but think about kissing him. Why do I do that? He has a girlfriend yet one look from him and my whole body reacts. The look in his eyes makes my heart hurt. I wish I could shake him, shake the want, shake the heartbreak that he ensues. Everytime I think I am over it he pulls me back in. He gets jealous or he flirts and I am right back where we started. Sometimes I wish I was the kind of girl that didn’t care about a man’s relationship status. But I am not. The guilt I feel from just flirting with him is stifling sometimes. I could drown in the hurt and self loathing.
I wish I knew what he was thinking, what he is feeling. It's hard not knowing what someone that you think about all the time is actually thinking about you. Do they ever even think about you at all? It makes me hate him, but yet not enough to stay away. How come I can’t stay away?
I didn’t even know I found glasses sexy. That damn bow tie! When he unties it, leaving it hanging from his collar, it is my achilles heel. I want to grab it and pull him into me by the tie. Even though it has been months, our steamy make out session on my front steps flashes through my thoughts frequently. I even sometimes think I can still feel the stinging of my swollen lips when my mind transports me back.
What is worse than anything else is the thought of not seeing him. I hate the idea of him not being there every week. I am a masochist. I would rather torture myself than not have him look at me with that spark in his eye. Sometimes I wonder if it is all in my head, if he really just looks at me the way he looks at everyone else. The reality is I was just a mistake for him. Months ago when I was skinnier, he made the mistake of kissing me. He is my weakness and I am his mistake. I can’t believe I just said that, admitted that.
I will one day shake him I am sure. I will find someone to kiss me and mean it. When I do he will not put me through turmoil. I will not drown in self loathing. I will just be happy, someday.
I look at him and I can’t help but think about kissing him. Why do I do that? He has a girlfriend yet one look from him and my whole body reacts. The look in his eyes makes my heart hurt. I wish I could shake him, shake the want, shake the heartbreak that he ensues. Everytime I think I am over it he pulls me back in. He gets jealous or he flirts and I am right back where we started. Sometimes I wish I was the kind of girl that didn’t care about a man’s relationship status. But I am not. The guilt I feel from just flirting with him is stifling sometimes. I could drown in the hurt and self loathing.
I wish I knew what he was thinking, what he is feeling. It's hard not knowing what someone that you think about all the time is actually thinking about you. Do they ever even think about you at all? It makes me hate him, but yet not enough to stay away. How come I can’t stay away?
I didn’t even know I found glasses sexy. That damn bow tie! When he unties it, leaving it hanging from his collar, it is my achilles heel. I want to grab it and pull him into me by the tie. Even though it has been months, our steamy make out session on my front steps flashes through my thoughts frequently. I even sometimes think I can still feel the stinging of my swollen lips when my mind transports me back.
What is worse than anything else is the thought of not seeing him. I hate the idea of him not being there every week. I am a masochist. I would rather torture myself than not have him look at me with that spark in his eye. Sometimes I wonder if it is all in my head, if he really just looks at me the way he looks at everyone else. The reality is I was just a mistake for him. Months ago when I was skinnier, he made the mistake of kissing me. He is my weakness and I am his mistake. I can’t believe I just said that, admitted that.
I will one day shake him I am sure. I will find someone to kiss me and mean it. When I do he will not put me through turmoil. I will not drown in self loathing. I will just be happy, someday.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Crash
I
am starting to think that trying to date in this city is a big waste of
time. People in this city do not fall in love because they want to.
They crash right into it.
Everyone is so busy with their careers that no one even looks up. It is the city that epitomizes “work hard and play harder.” People party like they are in college and date the same way too. By that I mean they do not date. You meet someone at a bar, exchange business cards or they get your number, and never use it. They think to themselves, “I’m young. Someone will come along later, after I am settled in my career.” If you are not going to somehow help their career or they are going to get instant gratification, it is not worth it.
For some people, this is a hard reality. You get lonely and long for physical contact with another human being. You decide to let a boy walk you home from the bar. You kiss him on your doorstep. Ok, maybe you let him push you up against the door and entangle yourselves for a good hour. You might even wake your roommate up because you keep ringing the doorbell. However, no matter how many times he asks, you do not let him in. Maybe it’s because you know he is never going to let you in. He is not looking for a connection; he is looking to get laid.
Any successful couple in this city either met somewhere else, or they crashed into each other. It was literally something that they could not avoid. Some of them started out as what they assumed would be a one night stand. Some of them were dating other people when they met. Some of them even worked together and had secret affairs. These are the great love stories of our time. Love isn’t what people are looking for; it is what they crash into Lost-style. The plane is our careers, and out of nowhere, we end up crashing on this bat-shit crazy island called love. There is no escaping it.
The people in this city that want love, that want to have a connection with someone, struggle. You can try the online dating thing, but most people on there are just looking to get laid. Work, sex, and alcohol are the things DC thrives off of. Maybe that is everywhere, or maybe it’s our generation. Until we crash into love, we are stuck.
I wish that all of you make your big crash soon.
Everyone is so busy with their careers that no one even looks up. It is the city that epitomizes “work hard and play harder.” People party like they are in college and date the same way too. By that I mean they do not date. You meet someone at a bar, exchange business cards or they get your number, and never use it. They think to themselves, “I’m young. Someone will come along later, after I am settled in my career.” If you are not going to somehow help their career or they are going to get instant gratification, it is not worth it.
For some people, this is a hard reality. You get lonely and long for physical contact with another human being. You decide to let a boy walk you home from the bar. You kiss him on your doorstep. Ok, maybe you let him push you up against the door and entangle yourselves for a good hour. You might even wake your roommate up because you keep ringing the doorbell. However, no matter how many times he asks, you do not let him in. Maybe it’s because you know he is never going to let you in. He is not looking for a connection; he is looking to get laid.
Any successful couple in this city either met somewhere else, or they crashed into each other. It was literally something that they could not avoid. Some of them started out as what they assumed would be a one night stand. Some of them were dating other people when they met. Some of them even worked together and had secret affairs. These are the great love stories of our time. Love isn’t what people are looking for; it is what they crash into Lost-style. The plane is our careers, and out of nowhere, we end up crashing on this bat-shit crazy island called love. There is no escaping it.
The people in this city that want love, that want to have a connection with someone, struggle. You can try the online dating thing, but most people on there are just looking to get laid. Work, sex, and alcohol are the things DC thrives off of. Maybe that is everywhere, or maybe it’s our generation. Until we crash into love, we are stuck.
I wish that all of you make your big crash soon.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Diet Frustration
I
am always on some sort of diet, or trying to be at least. I am
currently on week 3 of a hard core diet/ workout program. Well, intense
for me at least. I have been working out 3 to 4 times a week. I am
even getting up at 6am to work out before work. I lost 2lbs after week
one and was so excited. This morning was my weigh-in day. I was all
excited for my number to be lower yet again. But guess what … I GAINED 2
lbs. Betsy and Chloe say it is probably muscle because I am working
out. I know muscle is supposed to be good, but I don’t want to GAIN
anything. I want to weigh less!! I want to, for the first time in a
long time, not weigh more than what ever boy I have a crush on!
This is why I end up giving up on diet and exercise. I get frustrated that I am doing the right things, and it still doesn’t move the scale. Then I give up and find myself chubbier than ever. I just want to yell at Debbie (the fitness instructor on my workout videos) and tell her all her puns about shrinking are lies! I bet Debbie had lipo when she got her boob job. And yes she had a boob job from the first video she made to the second! Come on, Deb, people notice that kind of thing!
As I watch skinny girls buy their chicken tenders, I marvel at their metabolism. I’m not giving up on my diet (this time). I’ll eat my salad, my boring, lackluster, salad. I will get skinny! I am not trying to pretend that I can get my Size 16 ass into a Size 2. I just want to be my version of thin. I don’t want to lose my curves; I just want to improve them. So, even if I am pissed that I GAINED weight, ok, I will pretend it is muscle. I will wake up tomorrow and work out with Debbie. I may yell at her when she tells me we are almost there, and there are really 16 reps left, but I will do those 16 reps anyway.
It’s not about getting skinny for anybody but me. I want to feel good about shopping and not be limited by size. So operation #BodyBackIn2012, or #GetABodyIn2012 is underway. Lets kick this Diet’s ASS!
This is why I end up giving up on diet and exercise. I get frustrated that I am doing the right things, and it still doesn’t move the scale. Then I give up and find myself chubbier than ever. I just want to yell at Debbie (the fitness instructor on my workout videos) and tell her all her puns about shrinking are lies! I bet Debbie had lipo when she got her boob job. And yes she had a boob job from the first video she made to the second! Come on, Deb, people notice that kind of thing!
As I watch skinny girls buy their chicken tenders, I marvel at their metabolism. I’m not giving up on my diet (this time). I’ll eat my salad, my boring, lackluster, salad. I will get skinny! I am not trying to pretend that I can get my Size 16 ass into a Size 2. I just want to be my version of thin. I don’t want to lose my curves; I just want to improve them. So, even if I am pissed that I GAINED weight, ok, I will pretend it is muscle. I will wake up tomorrow and work out with Debbie. I may yell at her when she tells me we are almost there, and there are really 16 reps left, but I will do those 16 reps anyway.
It’s not about getting skinny for anybody but me. I want to feel good about shopping and not be limited by size. So operation #BodyBackIn2012, or #GetABodyIn2012 is underway. Lets kick this Diet’s ASS!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
5 Things I am totally Obsessed with Right Now
You
know those things that always make you laugh when you see them or you
just can't get them out of your head? Well, there are 5 such things
that I am obsessed with right now.
1) The David Beckham Burger King Commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0f8qz2Ssr6c
After years of drooling over David Beckham in multiple underwear campaigns, I am drooling over him fully clothed now. If Becks was standing right in front of me, this is probably how I would see him, glamor blur around the edges of my vision. I also love that Beckham has a sense of humor when it comes to his dream-boat status. I laugh every time I see this commercial, and therefore, it makes my list of current obsessions.
2) “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWNaR-rxAic
“I just met you … and this is crazy … but here’s my number … so Call me, Maybe!”
If you have not heard this song yet, you must be hiding under a rock. Since the first time I heard it I have not been able to get it out of my head. I have not been this addicted to a song since I was a pre-teen obsessed with the musical genius that was N*Sync. Don’t hate, I am from the boy band generation. If Vivi was in town this would be our new Karaoke song! I am determined to use it as a pick up line. I mean, why not? Maybe I will try it tonight, and let y’all know how it goes.
3) Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
Thank you Good Morning America for introducing me to this, how did you put it, “Mommy Porn.” Men watch their porn, and women read theirs. This book series is super sexy! I am so excited that the movie rights have been bought. Ever since Chloe sent me a link connecting Ian Somerhalder of “The Vampire Diaries” (another obsession of mine) to the project, I can't picture anyone else as the dark, sexy, and twisted Christian Grey. As an amateur author of trashy romance novels, this one gets my stamp of approval. If you have not decided to delve into this unconventional, steamy love story, what are you waiting for? This is a great poolside read, or make it your sexy secret on the metro.
4) Dancing with the Stars
Topping my guilty pleasures list is Dancing With the Stars. I love the costumes, the dancing, and the hot sexual tension between dance pro and star. I will admit that sometimes, (by that I mean all of the time) I get up and dance while watching the show. Betsy tends to hide in her room on Monday nights to avoid how awkward it is to watch the show with me. I even find myself having dreams about ABC doing a Dancing with Real People, in which I would be a contestant. Obviously I would be incredible and have either Derek Hugh or Tristan MacManus as my partner. They would of course fall in love with my quirky charm and we would have a whirlwind romance. When it comes to this show, my imagination runs away with me.
5) New Girl on Fox
Jess has it made! I want to play True American, have Schmidt constantly make me laugh, and have the passion for someone like Nick (even if neither of them see it yet). Half of what the girls and I say are quotes from New Girl. Zooey Deschanel is bubbly, funny, beautiful, and awkward in the most charming way possible. This show takes every awkward moment you have ever had in life, magnifies it by 1,000, and makes it comical! Some of our favorite New Girl quotes of all time:
“He smells of strong coffee and seeing a man about a horse.” - Nick
“ It smells like leather, Teddy Roosevelt, and wistfulness.” - Nick
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmD74JoLVcU Trust me it is worth it!
Schmidt's New Years Resolutions:
So those are the 5 things I am totally obsessed with right now. Check them out! I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!
1) The David Beckham Burger King Commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0f8qz2Ssr6c
After years of drooling over David Beckham in multiple underwear campaigns, I am drooling over him fully clothed now. If Becks was standing right in front of me, this is probably how I would see him, glamor blur around the edges of my vision. I also love that Beckham has a sense of humor when it comes to his dream-boat status. I laugh every time I see this commercial, and therefore, it makes my list of current obsessions.
2) “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWNaR-rxAic
“I just met you … and this is crazy … but here’s my number … so Call me, Maybe!”
If you have not heard this song yet, you must be hiding under a rock. Since the first time I heard it I have not been able to get it out of my head. I have not been this addicted to a song since I was a pre-teen obsessed with the musical genius that was N*Sync. Don’t hate, I am from the boy band generation. If Vivi was in town this would be our new Karaoke song! I am determined to use it as a pick up line. I mean, why not? Maybe I will try it tonight, and let y’all know how it goes.
3) Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
Thank you Good Morning America for introducing me to this, how did you put it, “Mommy Porn.” Men watch their porn, and women read theirs. This book series is super sexy! I am so excited that the movie rights have been bought. Ever since Chloe sent me a link connecting Ian Somerhalder of “The Vampire Diaries” (another obsession of mine) to the project, I can't picture anyone else as the dark, sexy, and twisted Christian Grey. As an amateur author of trashy romance novels, this one gets my stamp of approval. If you have not decided to delve into this unconventional, steamy love story, what are you waiting for? This is a great poolside read, or make it your sexy secret on the metro.
4) Dancing with the Stars
Topping my guilty pleasures list is Dancing With the Stars. I love the costumes, the dancing, and the hot sexual tension between dance pro and star. I will admit that sometimes, (by that I mean all of the time) I get up and dance while watching the show. Betsy tends to hide in her room on Monday nights to avoid how awkward it is to watch the show with me. I even find myself having dreams about ABC doing a Dancing with Real People, in which I would be a contestant. Obviously I would be incredible and have either Derek Hugh or Tristan MacManus as my partner. They would of course fall in love with my quirky charm and we would have a whirlwind romance. When it comes to this show, my imagination runs away with me.
5) New Girl on Fox
Jess has it made! I want to play True American, have Schmidt constantly make me laugh, and have the passion for someone like Nick (even if neither of them see it yet). Half of what the girls and I say are quotes from New Girl. Zooey Deschanel is bubbly, funny, beautiful, and awkward in the most charming way possible. This show takes every awkward moment you have ever had in life, magnifies it by 1,000, and makes it comical! Some of our favorite New Girl quotes of all time:
“He smells of strong coffee and seeing a man about a horse.” - Nick
“ It smells like leather, Teddy Roosevelt, and wistfulness.” - Nick
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmD74JoLVcU Trust me it is worth it!
Schmidt's New Years Resolutions:
- Everything is easy when you are a battleship invading the Bay of Success.
- Stop pursuing Caroline. She's Nick's girl. Deal with it.
- Begin the search for the cocoon that will one day release [my] butterfly.
- Find out where Winston gets his sparkle... and then steal it.
- Only think about hot new CFO every other time I masturbate.
- Start floating the idea that people call me "Mr. Finish"/"Gametime Jones"/"The Hook-Up-erator."
- Just pick a color of Crocs and buy them already!
So those are the 5 things I am totally obsessed with right now. Check them out! I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Sad Panda
Why
do I only like men that hurt me? I seem to only fall for men that
friend-zone me, or cheat on their girlfriends with me (without my
knowledge), or some other disastrously unhealthy situation.
Maybe it is because I want to see the best in people. That, of course, is a good character trait most of the time, but in relationships it only leads to me getting hurt. Sometimes I think I can fix them, that they will be different with me. This is just an illusion in my head. I still find myself crying in bed, never wanting to leave my house again after they break my heart.
Sometimes I wonder if I will even have much of a heart left for the right guy someday. Is this why people settle? They get so tired of the hurt that they just find someone that will never put them through that again. I can see the appeal in that sometimes. To have someone to patch the gaping hole in my heart.
Sometimes I think the loneliness is going to swallow me. I panic from the crushing pain in my chest. Behind the smile, I am crying on the inside. No one is ever going to love me. I know this is an irrational thought, but I can’t help but think it. It has been so long since someone loved me back that I don’t even remember what it feels like anymore. I don’t want lust; I want love. Lust isn’t real, and it isn’t fulfilling
Is it so bad that I want someone to share my life with? I want a companion and a confidant. I want romance. It’s the simple things that I long for. Holding hands, dancing for no reason, a gentle brush of my cheek, and waking up next to someone that you cannot wait to talk to. Maybe that will never exist for me. Some people are just meant to be alone, and maybe I am one of them. Maybe that is why every man that comes into my life leaves or lies. Somewhere along the way, I have decided that I am not worth it. Isn’t that what every single one of them has been telling me? I am not worth sticking around for.
I know deep down that this isn’t true. One day I will find someone that loves me, body and soul. He will challenge me to be better and love me even when I do not. It's easy to look around at my friends that are getting married and feel like I am behind in life or that it will never happen for me. The truth is I am still young, and I have a lot of life to live. It is not always easy to see that all the heartbreak is making me stronger and shaping me into a better woman, but when I take the time to think about it, I know it is. Besides, being bitter is a cop-out.
Maybe it is because I want to see the best in people. That, of course, is a good character trait most of the time, but in relationships it only leads to me getting hurt. Sometimes I think I can fix them, that they will be different with me. This is just an illusion in my head. I still find myself crying in bed, never wanting to leave my house again after they break my heart.
Sometimes I wonder if I will even have much of a heart left for the right guy someday. Is this why people settle? They get so tired of the hurt that they just find someone that will never put them through that again. I can see the appeal in that sometimes. To have someone to patch the gaping hole in my heart.
Sometimes I think the loneliness is going to swallow me. I panic from the crushing pain in my chest. Behind the smile, I am crying on the inside. No one is ever going to love me. I know this is an irrational thought, but I can’t help but think it. It has been so long since someone loved me back that I don’t even remember what it feels like anymore. I don’t want lust; I want love. Lust isn’t real, and it isn’t fulfilling
Is it so bad that I want someone to share my life with? I want a companion and a confidant. I want romance. It’s the simple things that I long for. Holding hands, dancing for no reason, a gentle brush of my cheek, and waking up next to someone that you cannot wait to talk to. Maybe that will never exist for me. Some people are just meant to be alone, and maybe I am one of them. Maybe that is why every man that comes into my life leaves or lies. Somewhere along the way, I have decided that I am not worth it. Isn’t that what every single one of them has been telling me? I am not worth sticking around for.
I know deep down that this isn’t true. One day I will find someone that loves me, body and soul. He will challenge me to be better and love me even when I do not. It's easy to look around at my friends that are getting married and feel like I am behind in life or that it will never happen for me. The truth is I am still young, and I have a lot of life to live. It is not always easy to see that all the heartbreak is making me stronger and shaping me into a better woman, but when I take the time to think about it, I know it is. Besides, being bitter is a cop-out.
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