Birthday Blues

How is it possible to love your life and be so sad at the same time?  I guess it is the birthday crisis setting in.  I am going to be a year older next week - 26.  I love my life, but then I see the lives of people with whom I grew up or went to college, and their lives seem great too.  Completely opposite, but wonderful still.  They are getting engaged, married, having babies: what I always thought I would be doing at this time in my life.  

Living in DC, I wouldn’t want to be married right now, but you step out of this bubble, and you see people all around you moving forward in life.  In DC, we move forward with our careers, but our personal lives are stuck in college.  We are all stuck in a dating cesspool, where people hook up and have “complicated things”, but it is rare to find something real and lasting.  I chose to build a life in a city where everyone postpones love to a more convenient time.

Somewhere in the last three years, I have evolved into something about which I am not sure.  I have allowed myself to morph from this Marilyn sex symbol that I was proud of to “Momma Bear”.  When did I become the sensible, put together one?  When did my life become nothing worth writing about?  I have struggled over the last several weeks to come up with something to share with all of you.  There have been no exciting stores of sexscapades or outragous nights.  There have been no new crushes or the potential of falling in love.  I have become uninteresting.  

My reality at 26 is that I have 4 different dating apps on my phone, and yet not been on a date with anyone from them.  I haven’t been in a serious relationship in a decade, haven’t had sex since Valentine’s Day, and haven’t had good sex since Stefan.  

There was a time when I was vivacious, confident, and unwavering.  When I left college I had found a comfort in myself, and in many ways it is still there, but the voices of the frat boys are creeping back in.  I hear them calling me “Bee’s Fat friend” all over again.  I was thinner back then.  I would kill to be that small again, and yet I let so many boys define me in such derogatory terms.  I let my own self worth be based on a bunch of drunk frat boys who wanted to keep me their dirty little secret.  I tried to leave that behind me, but even my relationship with D painted me as the dirty mistress.  Keeping me at arm’s length, and playing my own insecurities against me.    

One of the biggest things I can be proud of in the past year, besides getting an amazing job, is walking away from D.  Looking back on my Quarter life Crisis (my birthday last year), it was predominantly because of my relationship, or lack thereof, with him.  It was like coming up for air for the first time in a year and half.  What I didn’t realize was, that as long as I was hiding behind my feelings for D, I didn’t have to face the reality that I was become less desirable.  I am the kind of pretty that only gay men and other women appreciate.  Well dressed, hide my flaws well, hair and makeup always done.                   

As I prepare for my birthday party, I continue to worry about all the details.  My private party in the basement of my favorite Hill bar now carries the burden of being epic.  I need it to be epic.  I need the excitement.  I need to be reminded that I am not irrelevant in peoples lives.  I have decorations, a playlist, and Anna is making the cake.  My dress is picked out, I am getting my makeup done, and my crash diet is underway.  Even though I am sharing the night with Chance (against his protest), and most people are coming because of him, I want a moment to remember.  

Birthdays used to be one of my favorite things in the world.  It is the one day (or week) that the whole world has to celebrate you!  I loved getting older!  I couldn’t wait until I turned 30.  Now I see them for what they are - milestones of broken dreams.  A reminder of all the things you wanted to do but haven’t been able to.  A warning that you are getting older but you aren’t getting any smarter or (insert adjustive of your choice).  I never thought I would have the birthday blues.  

I know that Saturday will be fun, not because I need it to be, but because all the people that care about me will be there to help me celebrate.  I will be surrounded by love and lots and lots of shots.  Yes, I might not be the sexpot that I used to be, but I’m not 22 anymore either.  And that is ok.  It is ok to age gracefully, and to do a little growing up along the way.   

   

And the Oscar goes to ...

I have been watching the Oscar’s for as long as I can remember.  I used to believe my true calling in life was to be an actress, and while watching the Oscars I was studying my craft.  That is what a nine year old me used to say to my mother when pleading my case to stay up late enough to watch the entire broadcast.  The older I got, the more I loved the fashion.  There is just something magical and so glamourous about the Oscars.  With that being said, there is also a lot of judgment to go around, and with that comes my Best and Worst Dressed List!

Worst Dressed List:
Lets start with the bad and work our way to the biggest honor.  It is like the Oscars themselves.  They put all the tech awards that no one really cares about first so you stay tuned for the good stuff.   

Anne Hathaway decided to pull her prom dress from 2000 out of the back of her closet.  She should have left it there!  Powder pink had its big Oscar moment with Gwyneth did it to perfection.  No one can recreate that.  Anne may have won the Oscar, but she missed the fashion mark. 

WORST DRESSED goes to Salma Hayek!  There are just so many things wrong with her look.  From the little girl hair topped with a tiara, to the crushed velvet, nothing worked!  I felt like I was watching a red carpet tape from the 1980s!  I seriously hope who ever put her in this dress no longer has a job

.

Almost, but not quite:
These are the ladies that looked good, but not outstanding.  

Jessica Chastain’s dress was very pretty, but I just didn’t like it on her.  The color was, well, not really a color.  It washed her out.  I would have loved to have seen her in a bold color that played up her fair skin instead of blending into it. 

 

Jennifer Aniston looked beautiful!  I loved the dress and was so excited that someone decided to wear color!  The only reason she did not make my Best Dressed category is because she had just every day hair.  Look, we get it, you have amazing hair J Aniston.  It’s the Oscars, though! Put it up!

Reese Witherspoon wins Best Hair of the night!  I also loved this blue on her!  I would have lost the bow though.  I also think it fit a little funny in the chest.  Overall I think she looked beautiful, just not quite best dressed beautiful.  Sorry Reese!  I still love you!

Best Dressed Category:
These are the women that just rocked it from head to toe!  

Jane Fonda not only looks damn good for her age, but she just looked damn good!  I thought her dress was age appropriate, and just fun and fresh.  I want to look that good now, let alone at her age!

Stacy Keibler may only be relevant because she is dating George Clooney, but she has stepped up the glamour since her days as a female wrestler.  She rocked the red carpet in this 1920s inspired look.  Even the hair is spot on!

 

And Best Dressed goes to …. Jennifer Lawrence! She wore the perfect big Oscar dress for her big Oscar moment!  She looked classic, classy, young, and fresh all at the same time!  It doesn’t hurt that I also want to be her best friend!

 

And if you weren’t already mesmerized by the beautiful silhouette and the intriguing back necklace you have to love the fact that this happened!

Oh and for your viewing pleasure Jennifer Lawrence being Awesome!

2012 Emmy's Best and Worst Dressed

My tagline for this blog promises talk of fashion and I have not really delivered on that promise.  I plan on changing that, and I am going to start with my Best and Worst dressed from the 2012 Primetime Emmy Awards!  So my picks are as follows:

Let’s start with what I didn’t like.  It’s always best to get the negative out of the way.  

Claire Danes

This Lanvin Dress just looks sloppy to me.  I understand the need for comfort on the Red Carpet when preggers, but this is not the way to go about it.  Something in an Empire waist would have been much more flattering and elegant.  I mean Empire waist lines were invented to hide pregnancy!    I will say that Claire’s Hair looks impeccable though.  And no matter what people like me say about what she was wearing, she still walked away with the Best Actress in a Drama Series Emmy!

Ashley Judd

Everything about this is just wrong!  The hair is too big, and it takes a lot for a southern girl to say that, and not age appropriate.  The dress looks like a bad bridesmaids dress and a bad prom dress had a baby.  Nothing about this Carolina Herrera gown was age appropriate and everything about it was just wrong!

WORST DRESSED- January Jones

I didn’t even recognize January Jones with the slicked back hair and street walker eye liner.  Then there is the dress, where to start.  I am not a fan of the “high-low” or “mullet” hemline.  The skirt itself appears to be made of many old church lady hates put together.  I usually love what Zac Posen does, but this just doesn’t do it for me.  Her lack of jewelry is also baffling to me!  You have access to diamonds galore for events like this and you wear none?!?  Sorry January Jones but you are receiving my Worst Dressed of the Night shame.  

Let’s move on the the in-betweens.  These are people that I liked but were not wowed by, or they were missing just a little something that would have taken them to the next level.  

Kerry Washington

I love the the cut and color of this dress for her body.  This Vivienne Westwood looked both beautiful on the red carpet and on the Emmy stage.  Since I was a young girl I have always loved a good sequin and this fills my sparkly needs.  One of the main reasons she did not make my best dressed category is her hair just wasn’t doing it for me.  The lack of style just put a damper on the whole look for me.  

Zooey Deschanel

This adorkable actress looked more sophisticated than I am use to seeing her on the red carpet.  Yet, it was still very Zooey.  This whimsical powder blue dress paired with the pink lips made her blue eyes pop.  The only thing that was standing in her way, for me at least, was the neckline of the dress.  I would have liked the dress better with a higher sweetheart neckline.  

Julianne Moore

I love this electric color next to her red hair!  I also love the cut and how age appropriate it felt.  I know a lot of people have mixed feelings about this Christian Dior by Raf Simons dress but for the most part it worked for me.  The only thing that was missing for me was a statement necklace.  I think she needed some jewels around her neck to really bring the look together.  It needed to be something big and very intricate.  

Now for my pics for the Best Dressed category.  These were the all around looks that worked best for me.  

Ginnifer Goodwin

 

Although I am usually not a fan of of the “High to Low” or “mullet” hemline I think it works on this dress.  I love the orange color and the detailed pattern of this Monique Lhuillier creation.  It looks beautiful on her skin tone and is a great cut for her body.  Her hair and makeup look fresh and young.  This outfit works from head to toe.  

Tina Fey

 

This comedian is known for her red carpet disasters, but not this time.  She looked stunning in this form fitting, yet figure flattering gown by Vivienne Westwood.  The jewel tones look wonderful on her fair complexion.  It is both sexy and age appropriate.  Her hair works with both her bone structure and the style of the dress.  Goodbye red carpet disaster, hello red carpet diva!  

BEST DRESSED- Julie Bowen

My Best Dressed of the night goes to the Modern Family star, and Best actress in a Comedy series winner!  This electric chartreuse, Monique Lhuillier, form fitting gown shows off Bowen’s rocking bod.  There was a lot of this color on the red carpet (I have an example in everyone of my categories), but for me this was the only example of the color worn just right.  Her makeup was fresh, her jewelry simple, and her hair elegantly down.  I think this look was very her and that is why it worked so well.