The Parts I Left Out ...

When I told all of you about the many loves of my life, I left a few details out.  Since I described the heart wrenching details of the men that both had my heart and broke it, I have felt guilty.  The guilt is not because I shared them with you, but leaving out a few details about two of them.  

In the summer of 2011 Adam married, who I believe to be, a very lovely girl.  She does look a little like me though, a much thinner, more wholesome version of me.  It’s hard for me to admit that the person that I loved, maybe more than anyone else ever in my life, is married and very happy with someone else.  The day Facebook told me Adam was engaged was easily one of the top 10 hardest days of my life.  I try to remember him as the fun-loving future lawyer, who loved bourbon and 80’s cover bands.  Now he is a pastor, just like his father always wanted him to be.  The Adam I knew and loved only exists in my memories.  The pain of that maybe worse than anything else.  

Then there is the truth about Bryan.  When I wrote the earlier post, I knew Bryan was engaged.  I didn’t know that this past weekend, he got married.  Facebook, that beautiful beast, flooded me with pictures of the happiest day of Bryan’s life.  The hope that, by the time we tied the knot to our significant others, we would be reconciled is moot now.  We will never be more than two people that used to care about each other, and are now just friends on Facebook simply because not being so would be rude.  

Two of the men with whom I have been in love have since found the true loves of their lives.  These two have made the ultimate commitment to another human being, whereas I can’t seem to find a boyfriend. That is the part that I left out, the part that makes my lost loves seem more tragic, the part that makes the end of our stories so final.