The Answer is in Someone New

Nothing makes you feel more confident than a really good-looking man wanting to see you naked.  Well, maybe when the sight of you undressed leaves this man wanting more. The feeling when you wake up in the arms of someone that just seems too perfect to be real is like a high.  Nothing brings you out of the shadows of heartbreak like the euphoria of a budding romance.  

Three weeks ago, I told someone that I was glad I didn’t feel anything when I kissed all the boys that were crossing my path.  I was in a post heartbreak spiral.  If the boy was cute and wanted to kiss me, I was game.  I was trying to put distance between the memory of kissing D and my present.  I thought I needed to to feel nothing for anyone else until D was out of my head.  I was on a boy bender.  I went out on Wednesday and kissed a boy in front of Union Station.  I went out on Thursday and kissed a boy outside the bar.  Went out on Saturday for Chloe’s birthday, kissed a boy and got swept away.  

When I am in a spiral, I have a cute boy radar like none other.  When Stefan walked in the room, it was like sirens went off in my head.  Being Chloe’s birthday, I went back to dancing with the girls and tried to forget about the gorgeous guy who was lingering nearby in the small basement bar.  I caught him watching me on the dance floor.  There was no ignoring the Vineyard Vines clothed, green-eyed man with Chuck Bass hair.  Who talked to whom first is still a little hazy, but his dance moves were amazing.  He twirled me all over the floor before he went in for the kiss.  I was the girl making out in the bar and I didn’t care.  Don’t worry, we talked too, but mainly we just kissed, alot.  

There comes a point in these situations when what’s happening next is inevitable.  When other people are thinking, “Get a room!”, maybe you should!  That is what led me to say, “You want to get out of here?”. I forgot what it was like to feel so wanted, to feel like they are just drinking you in.  Having someone who can’t stop kissing you long enough to find a cab is exhilarating.  

After entangling ourselves in my sheets for quite a while, Stefan and I stayed up talking until the wee hours.  My Sunday morning was a mixture of knocking boots and pillow talk.  When Stefan left the next afternoon, I didn’t know if I would ever hear from him again.  I decided to cross my fingers but not hold my breath.  When he texted me hours later, I thought my heart might explode from surprise and excitement!  

He made his way into the city the next Wednesday to see me before I left for a cruise to Bermuda with Chloe and Vivian.  I had forgot how it felt to flirt without guilt, to be excited without consequence, and to feel like everything is full of possibility not doom.  

Chloe, Vivian, and I had a blast on the cruise!  There were late nights at the disco, post-bar hot tubbing, and a some racy games of Truth or Dare and Never Have I Ever.  I kissed a guy under the stars, pool-side. It was sweet. The problem was he wasn’t Stefan.  I didn’t enjoy talking to him, I didn’t want him to hold my hand, and I absolutely did not want to sleep with him.  

So, it is official.  I am crushing on someone new.  All signs seem to point to good on the Stefan front.  I am hopeful that things last at least a little bit longer.  I am not expecting the great love of my life; I just want to enjoy whatever this is while it lasts.  The giddy feeling I get when he texts me makes my heart pound.  I day dream about his fingers gently running down my bare back. I fall asleep thinking about doing so in his arms, and how much better I sleep when he is there.  

I don’t really think about D very much anymore.  There was a time when he consumed me.  Now it is more like an occasional thing out of habit.  I know it has helped not seeing him for a month, but now I am more worried about the first time I do see him.  I think I am just going to rip off the Band-Aid and go to that weekly social gathering.  Besides I have someone else that likes to see me naked.