A year ago, I started this blog looking for an outlet, a safe place to write. Most of the time it has been just that, my safe haven from the sad reality that is often my personal life. I have told you about my heartaches and my sexscapades, my insecurities and my triophant moments.
So for those of you just joining us, let me reintroduce myself. My name is Harper, and I am a 25 year old southern transplant living in the Nation’s Capital. I am a curvy blonde with a love for Zumba and a true disdain for diets, even though I am always on one. I have a wonderful job that I love, that challenges me, and where I can see a bright future. I live in a studio apartment the size of a shoebox in a great location, but it is my shoe box and my sanity is worth ever overpriced penny. My love life is always in some state of disarray and currently I am nursing a freshly broken heart.
I have found myself at several cross roads over the past year. After losing my job, I had to decide what career path I wanted to take, and really whether or not I would stay in DC. Staying here was an easy decision, my life is here now. The career path that ended up laying itself out in front of me could not be more perfect. It combines all my passions and talents. It is as if every shitty thing I went though at my old job was to prepare me for this, to help me appreciate it when work is good.
I chose to move out of my fabulous 2 bedroom apartment with a private rooftop to live alone in a studio. I wasn’t scared of being lonely anymore, because I had learned over the 2 years prior just because you weren’t physically alone didn’t mean you couldn’t be lonely. It was worse to live in an apartment with someone who didn’t even like you than to be all alone.
I have had ups and downs with friendships that I thought were unshakeable. I barely speak to some people who I thought would be bridesmaids in my wedding someday. I have met new people who feel like they have been a part of my life forever, and rekindled friendships with people who actually have. Friendship is a tricky thing, and each one is very different and with it’s own limits. I still battle with knowing when to hold on and when to let go.
I also chose to give my heart to someone who didn’t deserve it, who didn’t want it in the first place. I told someone that I loved him, and I know now, even though I should have always known, that he will never love me back. Just because I should have known doesn’t make it hurt any less. It was my choice to put myself out there, my choice to ignore my friends’ concerns, because I thought I knew him better than they did, I thought it was worth the risk. Maybe it was. Now, I don’t have to wonder, if I would have put myself out there, would he have chosen me. I don’t have any regrets. Does it hurt like hell? Yes. Do I wish I could have avoided that? Of course. But do I regret loving him? I can’t - I shouldn’t, and I won’t. Love is even trickier than friendship and is completely nonsensical.
I believe we learn something from every person that comes in and out of our lives. Even if that lesson is some people are just complete assholes. Each person helps mold you a little, helps you grow into who you are supposed to be. We just have to look for the lesson. For me, writing this blog has helped me find those lessons, helped me sort out the craziness that is my life.
So who am I? I am a semi-disaster of a woman with a great job, awesome apartment, and a broken heart. Why should you keep reading? Disaster will ensue - hilarious, relatable disaster. It always does.
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