Netflix Relationship

I think I might be in a relationship with my Netflix account.  It is easier to sit on my couch watching rom-coms, TV dramas, and sci-fi adventures than putting myself out there.  I know I will never meet anyone new this way, but I will also not be able to get hurt.  Watching these shows where the love triangle works out for the protagonist gives false illusions that one day I will get to be with the person I really want.  On all of these shows, the characters make grand proclamations of love or loathing.  These characters give ultimatums, and the people in their TV world actually make a choice.  

I have become attached to my green quilted blanket and the controller to my Playstation 3 because that is better than being attached to the dream that someone in my life who walked away will decide to come back.  It is better than pinning over the gorgeous guy that works down the hall who is not just out of my league, but is playing a completely different sport.  I am rebounding from my rebound with the likes of Pacey Witter on Dawson’s Creek, Chuck Bass on Gossip Girl, and George Tucker on Hart of Dixie.  

I wish I could say that Stefan broke up with me, but the truth is, I just haven’t heard from him in weeks.  When Hurricane Sandy hit he didn’t even check to see if I was okay.  I have friends in different parts of the country that checked on me, but the guy that I have been sharing a bed with for 2 months didn’t even ask if I was okay.  So, instead of going to the bar and meeting some guy who is going to find me forgettable, I have opted to love the men of television, past and present.

Just knowing that someone could dream up a man like Pacey Witter, a loyal man with a heart of gold who will fight for the woman he loves, gives me hope that there may be someone like him in the world.  The idea of a man that dresses like Chuck Bass, and well, frankly loves so deeply that it wrecks him, makes me long for the scheming that it would take to keep him.  Finding a true southern gentleman, like George Tucker, who tries his best to do the honorable thing even if it isn’t easy.  George Tucker walked away from his childhood sweetheart Lemon, because he realized part of his heart belonged to someone else, and that was not fair to Lemon.  

As I lose myself in the television world, I hope to find something that I can’t in my own world.  I am not sure if it is peace of mind or of heart, but I am not sure I am finding it.  Having a relationship with my Netflix account is really me just hiding.  I need to find the courage to start living my life again.  One of the things I have always loved most about myself is the strength to continue to put myself out there no matter how many times I have been hurt by people.  I feel that strength slipping away from me.  I don’t know if I, if my heart, can handle being hurt again.  The next time may be the one that truly breaks me.  So, for now, I will stick to my couch and my Netflix account.